We named our party play list daddy issues
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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