No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
