oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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