Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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