how can u be prego again
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
