shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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