He kissed a someone with a penis
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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