is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
