I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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