the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize