true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
