Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Welp...herpes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
