It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
