living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
FUCK WHALES
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