Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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