omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
