i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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