So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
handjob tips. give me some.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
