We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
