you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
