Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
