My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
