I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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