I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
