It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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