Cold hands, warm shart.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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