1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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