I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
