You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
