I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
