what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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