The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
