I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
