were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
