Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
