Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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