My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I won the penis lottery.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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