So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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