You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this just has baby written all over it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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