I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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