I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
