:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
