shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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