I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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