i think my mom watched the whole time
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
