you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
