So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
