while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
