Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize