Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
