i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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