There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
