If i come over, it means nothing
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
