i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
be right there i have to get my cape
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize