I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize