I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
