I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
