I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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