is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize