Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
