he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
