when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
