This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
from now on my penis is your penis
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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