3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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