My hand turned me down
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
