ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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