Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
