Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
