so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
