Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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