No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
