Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
