I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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