I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just want to make out with him forever
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
