just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
